She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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