i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
