I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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