oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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