i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
