You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
