You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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