using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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