So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
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I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize