When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
