Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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