i wish my penis had a tongue
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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