I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
