Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
