the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Help me help you realize you are a moron
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
