my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
