I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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