96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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