I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I see more hoeing in ur future
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