Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
