just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
