Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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