First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
