i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
