so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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