We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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