Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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