My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
