i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
