I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
