Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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