you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
