Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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