when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
