We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
