i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
