I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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