In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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