I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
