ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
