They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
