I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
