Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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