genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
