I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
