if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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