I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
