You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
