hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
