i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
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I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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