Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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