his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
