Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need to sanitize my soul.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
