dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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