My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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