God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
