So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
