fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
