In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
