Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
