I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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