The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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