it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
