i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
